Counseling

you take pride in yourself when you say that you need no one, no matter what you go through.

but then a time comes when you can no longer hold things inside you and you beg for someone to sit with you and hear you out.

the people you think will be there for you are there with someone else and you are left all alone, no matter what you have done for them, no matter the times you stood by them when these same “close” people left them them.

In the end you are there on your own, dealing with stuff that goes around you, dealing with life.

the worst part of it all is probably when you have to pay someone to listen to you. to pay someone to give you that little attention that you need but have never asked for before.

it is probably a long road ahead to recovery and to being the person you once were. but keep on going and struggling . you will be there one day and hopefully then, you will need no one..

If I could..

If I could..

If I could just turn back time.

If I could hold you again till the end of time.

If I could kiss your neck again just to make you hold me tighter.

If I could see you smile just for me.

If I could stare into your eyes. God! Those deep brown eyes.

If I could feel your lips.

If I could feel the butterflies in my stomach when I see you again and again and again.

If I could get the goose bumps again when you place your hand on top of mine.

If I could just not leave you there alone.

If I could just not be alone here without thee.

If I could see you in the driving seat, with that nervous yet excited smile on your face.

If I could watch you read out the menu for me while you have already decided on your Black coffee.

If I could see you angry and how your eyes get smaller and eyebrows gather up.. and how I wanted to kiss you just to shut you up.

If I could see you neatly fold those sugar packets when you are done with them.

If I could make you stay a little longer.

If I could stay a little longer.

If I could..

Giving up..

We all have some people, habits, shit stuff, that we keep around, that we allow to break us, to loose our health over, to put us in places we have no control. These “things” do us a lot of harm and very less good but we somehow attach ourselves so much to them that it seems impossible to leave them and to move on.

This is probably why so many people still stay in failed relationships, trust in the wrong person, smoke, drink, do drugs and what not, because whenever they indulge in these, they feel at peace, even tough just for a brief moment but they do, they feel that this “high” is a way for them to shun themselves out from all that goes around in the world and not be bothered about what they can and cannot do, what opinions others hold for them, they choose to keep everyone out for a moment and just be with themselves.

But then, what we do not notice is, we somehow get habituated to this excuse, this rented place of solitude and soon the addiction takes over. What was once a short visit to paradise suddenly becomes a long stay in hell.

Sometimes we know that it is taking over us, like ivy it starts to wrap us up, but we choose to ignore it, we think we are stronger and will be able to give up on these habits, that all that it would take is time..a little more time. But  these excuses make us suffer more and then one day its too late.

Giving up is not always bad, sometimes it’s the greatest thing you’ll ever do, and it is time you get this. Stop letting the “giving up is what weak people do” crap become the lethargic excuse for your downfall!

If you are in a habit or an activity  that you know in your heart, is not good for you, be it physically or mentally, then it’s time to Stop! Stop letting it get the best of you, Stop letting it take advantage of you, Stop and see what more you are capable of. Stop and see yourself in the mirror and see what you are right now and imagine what you can become!

Stop today because in this case there is no tomorrow and soon you’ll know that Giving up is not that bad afterall..

Beautiful encounters.

Imagine coming back home after a usual day. You get into your room, drop your bag, change and just sit, idle with having no idea about what to do next. Suddenly, you feel like going for a walk, probably just to enjoy the cold breeze gushing outside.

So you grab your earphones and phone and set out. You set your playlist on shuffle and start walking aimlessly trying to relate to the songs playing, until you start hearing car horns. You quickly remove your earphones thinking that maybe in your aimless walk, you are blocking the way for someone else. But that’s not the case here. Apparently the car horns are for someone who is desperately trying turn their car around but instead, happen to block the road for other cars.

One thing we should all learn is,  honking is not going get us anywhere sooner. Half the road problems in India would probably disappear if we learn and apply this one simple thing.

So now there’s this long queue of cars, honking together, waiting for that one car to move. Promptly you start walking towards that car, while being enviously stared upon by all these drivers because you are moving and they are not!

You reach the car, the cause of all the havoc and you see someone. Someone astonishingly pretty. But that pretty little someone is nervously crying, because nothing’s going her way.. Literally!

Very hesitantly you approach this someone, you stammer more than the usual, and you offer to help but in that moment you become nervous yourself. Now come on, a crying girl will make anyone nervous. Suddenly in that cold breeze, you start sweating but now you have already taken the first few steps and its too late to move back, so you somehow utter the words “Hey, would you mind shifting to the other seat while I just make way for these idiots to pass by?” followed by a smile. A brainless one I presume.

At this moment you feel proud that you know the language and also know how to drive. But suddenly, that face lifts up and stares you in the eye, and you say to yourself, “What have I done!!”. That moment is then disrupted by another set of honking, and this time you are thankful for it. The pretty face doesn’t say a word but picks herself up to get to the other seat.

You quickly get in, start the car, make a few turns and get the car to the side just to make way for the morons. Once the whole thing clears up, you again put it back into gear and turn it to the direction it was intended to be in. You finally save the Damsel in distress!

Now that you have done your job, you open the door and lift your butt  to get out of the car when suddenly a sweet voice approaches your ears, “Could you please drive the car till my place, I don’t think I would be able to do it myself”. You gladly oblige, smiling away form the inside knowing that you had nothing else to do anyway!

Now you are a chauffeur for someone you don’t even know, so you try to start a conversation while getting directions from the lady sitting next to you and before you know it, you have reached the destination where you see a huge bulky man waiting anxiously and you instantly know that, that is the father!.

You stop and park the car as you see the damsel explaining the scenario to this person and also how YOU got into the picture.

Now, the next thing you know, you get invited in for a cup of tea. As you walk in with these stranger, you start cursing yourself for being dressed the way you were but continue to walk as there was nothing that could be done now.

The tea helps you to get to know these people a little more, swiftly the exchange of number take place and you reluctantly take their leave and start walking home.

You have your earphones plugged in again, but non of the lyrics get past your eardrums. You are still lost about the incident that just took place. You wonder if this was a plot of some kind.

Unknowingly  you reach your destination, enter your room and drop on your bed, lost! When suddenly you are welcomed by a text. “Hello!”

Thoughts..

Done with office and all prepared to give some time to myself. Being employed does have its merits and demerits, for example, back in college I never really payed much heed to what the professor would blabber about in class but now when the manager or my senior talks, I LISTEN. But then it all pays.. I mean literally!

I am now partially lying in my bed, wrapped in a blanket with my laptop in front of me and listening to Pink Floyd as I attempt to jot stuff down on this webpage.

There’s something about Pink Floyd songs that soothes the mind. The guitar leads get stuck in the head and before you know it, you become an air guitarist. Right know I only wish I had a drink in my hand.. This suddenly brings me to my favorite subject.. BOOZE!

Alcohol has a very wrong image in our society, maybe that’s because of the way we normally consume it.. All at once that is!

I once saw this episode on how whiskey is made and I swear I was absolutely fascinated by it!!

I feel that the time, patience, labor, feelings that are involved in making a bottle of such divine stuff deserve a similar type of behavior during its consumption. Maybe then we would be able to relate to the sentiment of the people involved in brewing it and with all my heart I feel they deserve this!

Consumable alcohol, what I think, was not made to get people high and do stupid stuff. It’s purpose was probably to help sooth a person’s mind and heart, something like a Pink Floyd song.

Whiskey has been termed  as “Liquid Gold” in many occasions (and I am strictly talking about Single malt here) and I completely relate to it.. because this justifies the reason we spend a good amount of money for a bottle, most do it merely to Show off  their stature but then there are these rare “some”, who do it to enjoy the liquid gold touch their lips and flow down their throat and allow it too play with their mind.

I remember this one time when I was at a friend’s place and was having a nice chat when we were suddenly joined by his step father, a nice chap I must say and an ex-army man.

After all the formal introductions and informal jokes, he asked us to join him for a drink and told us to follow him..and I did that. We were lead to this room, dim lights an old record player, a nice comfy sofa set and a mini bar!

He took out this green colored bottle, seeing that my friend quickly whispered “You lucky moron”. Its was Glenlivet and it was amazing!!

Will share the details of that evening at a later date, I guess i have written a lot of today..

Well this is actually quiet fun and I am liking it.. I think I found a new hobby and i hope to continue it.

So until next time.. TC

Let’s BLOG!

So it’s Monday, the most dreadful day of the week, it’s 7:43 AM and I’m sitting in my nice comfy seat in a small cubicle. I can see fog rolling in and covering up the Amity building which is right next to the office and doing this..Bloging!

I have resently started reading blogs and some of the work in mind boggling. I am not a reader, a book reader I mean, for some reason, I loose my curiosity about the end or outcome of a book sometimes in the middle of it, sometimes just after starting and going through the first few pages. I do not know what this says about me, but that’s what usually happens.. Maybe I lack that decpline.. But blogs!! yes blogs.. They somehow captivate me.. The way some people share their deep, fascinating, intimate, logical, naive, sometimes truthful, sometime misleading episodes..that..that has some kind of power over me.. I know books, in most cases, do the same thing but… I was probably not made for books.

Now even though I have read tons of posts..that does not make me a blogger.. NO WAY! I’ve got too many things locked up inside me and probably lack the vocabulary to describe it all.

But this time I thought of giving it a try, I mean why not try something and hopefully enjoy it rather than just sitting and imagining what it would be like to do that “something”, Right?!

So it’s 8:21 AM now, took me 40+ minutes to write all these words..whew!

I guess this is it for my 1st post, hope there would be another one.